Thursday, July 10, 2008

Why I might be chronic single person?

First watch this:

Okay, onto serious issues - I have had a zillion arguements with my mother as to why arranged marriages are fundamentally flawed, the prime of them being:

1. AMs place more emphasis on looks, position, familial background other than anything else. For one, I know for a certainty that I do not have any trait (apart from looks) that are collinear with my parents {thought/action/words}. And as far as looks go, I do agree that they should be in the mix - but not to the extent that they are given importance. Compatibility is given no space and I hate to think that a josiyar can predict what level of compatibility I'd have with a person based on 12 squares. I'm not getting anarchic here and telling astrology is BS and all that. I can agree, from personal experience, that Astrology is a good tool to plan/support your life. But it cannot be used as a GPS to get from one point to another.

2. My father perhaps knows 10 percent of me and my mother perhaps 15 percent. But thats it! How can I believe in them to make choices for me? I can see some people who are ready with the question - what about the first 20 years of life? Well, I needed some help with decisions then - But I'm almost 24 and I do believe that I've reached the age where I should let my decisions be as un-influenced by others as possible. Again, a kid drives a cycle with the safety wheels on - but you can never drive a car with safety wheels!

3. Lack of natural-ness. The Tambrahm way of life extols certain things as virtues. I do not want a servant/menial help for my life. I can cook and clean my house all by myself. I do not want those pure as snow kind of maami's who will mugam-sulichify if one of my friends asked for a bottle of beer when he was visiting me. I do not drink or smoke - but do not consider them as sins and all that. In a conversation I had with my kankanda deivangal, when I said I was okay with a wife who smoked or drank, as long as she did not hide it from me made the deivangal froth at the mouth. I'm more or less looking for an independent person who has her own likes, dislikes and who will not be another version of the ladies in know/have seen. And in continuum with the flaw in the way this match making happens, I'd like to know the girl who I'd be marrying sometime before my marriage and I feel that its imperative that I get introduced to that girl when both of us do not have any idea that we could end up married. As another blogger whom I read once told in his blog, as much you would like to believe reality TV is that - reality, once you know that you could end up being married to someone, your way of behaviour to that person changes and expecting it to be natural is futile.

So all this effectively rules out me saying okay to an arranged marriage of any kind.

On the other hand, I hate those pink color loving, cho-chweet mouthing , teddy bear hugging section of the population {IMO, physcially 20-odd, mentally 13 minus}, which, together with the characteristics mentioned previously, rules out 99 percent of the female population. As a dialog in minnale goes, "(indha madri) ponnungana ennaku 99 percent allergy" and I recently found out the the other one percent of the female population which falls within my "like" region is 100 percent allergic to anything close to settling down with me. Nice little catch-22, isn't it?

But I'm a firm believer of not settling for compromises - they ultimately screw you up - especially in an issue like marriage. So going forward, you'll see more such rants and raves - after all, I pretty much do not have anything else to do... :)


Anonymous said...

you left out another important argument putforth by the periyavaals. I worked for us, so it most definitely will for you :)

Karthik Sriram said...


That argument cannot and will not come from my aaththu makkal.


NIRMAL said...

why do we have the fantasy of love happening only before marriages?
why cant it happen after marriage?
is it a fantasty of falling in love before marriages makes us mad?

its a period of 2 or 3 years before you get married to hv that exp of love but there is some 3 decades of love after marriage.

also this AM vs LM is pretty cliche.
i hv seen enough so called committed truely madly deeply lovers marrying another guy who is more well off then the previous one? is taht love? this is not puppy love cases all those ppl i saw were in higher age ! still they shift

moreover look at failure rate of love marriages its staggering!!

the time our parents married,women were nicer,they valued family,they were kinda surpressed,they dint see money,,,

look at the current generation of women,they feel independent becaus e they earn money so they WANT and they LIVE BY CHOICE...

so either case, marriage has to win,
2 good hearts can meet in any form of marriage,

its just a fantasy between minnale happening or mouna ragam..mouna ragam is a reality and not minnale
i think i hv given a losiest comparision,,manchiko

Anonymous said...

The Video that you posted seems to be removed from youtube..