George is a genius

I first read this in Jan 2006 and ever since I think of this at least once in a week.

The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. I mean, life is tough. It takes up a lot of your time. What do you get at the end of it? A death. What’s that, a bonus?!?! I think the life cycle is all backwards. You should die first, get it out of the way. Then you go live in an old age home. You get kicked out for being too healthy, go collect your pension, then, when you start work, you get a gold watch on your first day. You work forty years until you’re young enough to enjoy your retirement. You drink alcohol, you party, and you get ready for high school. You go to primary school, you become a kid, you play, you have no responsibilities. You become a little baby, you go back, spend your last 9 months floating with luxuries like central heating, spa, room service on tap, then you finish off as an orgasm! Amen.

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Edited: Considering a fellow Seinfeld fan's request, a few more of George's Golden Words:

Why did it all turn out like this for me? I had so much promise. I was personable. I was bright. Oh, maybe not academically speaking, but I was perceptive. I always know when someone's uncomfortable at a party. It all became very clear to me sitting out there today, that every decision I've ever made in my entire life has been wrong. My life is the complete opposite of everything I want it to be. Every instinct I have in every aspect of life, be it something to wear, something to eat... It's often wrong

It's not a lie, if you believe it

Borrowing money from a friend is like having sex. It just completely changes the relationship

Pity's very underrated. I like pity. It's good

If you look annoyed all the time, people think you're busy

I always get the feeling that when lesbians are looking at me they’re thinking, that’s why I’m not a heterosexual.

For me to ask a woman out, I've got to get into a mental state like the karate guys before they break the bricks

Man proposes....

1. Wii is very addictive & that, dear populace, is an understatement!
It is AS close as I can get to playing boxing or golf.

2. My half marathon plans are thwarted. I have a strained calf muscle
and it's difficult to even walk, leave alone run.

3. G minor chord is damn difficult to play - for my novice skill set
on the guitar.

4. Tropic Thunder is kalaai. What OSO aspired to be, TT is.

Detailed posts later on Wii.

Ironical

This week marked my successful maneuver, beating Nintendo and their artificial "always in demand" status of Wii. I'm importing, (Yeah! Import!!) it from the land of the jalapenos, ara-nijaar wearing desi makkal (read mama and mami's) and of course, where my man (Barack Obama coems afetr this guy, really! :D)lives. The doode is of most nicest person I've come across and has bought and shipped it through someone I know. I'm scheduled to get it on Saturday morning - Can't wait to lay my mega sized hands on it!!

This marks my completion of all the acquisitions which I had in mind when I graduated - a new car, iPhone, Wii and a collection of Ray-Ban shades. The post is titled ironical for the fact that the one thing which I wanted to buy when I landed here in the US - a memory foam mattress does not figure in the list anymore. I remember the times when I used to skip visiting any relatives where I had to sleep on any other surface other than a mattress - my mom's parents house comes to mind first (they had some kind of joint family system and so, me being the oldest kid on my mom and dad's side had to be the sacrificial goat - sleep on the floor, eat last, act mature (!!!!) pondra pala kodumaigal!) and then our native place near here. The annual trip was a great ritual in our family - as per our family kadhai, my great grandfather found the moolavar and utsavar moorthy's of Maha Vishnu, Boodevi and Sridevi while supervising ploughing at his fields. He waged a long battle with the Sarkar (no, not Amitabh Bachchan!) and the powers that be and with his influence with Chakaravarthi Rajagopalachari, my great grandfather got to build a temple for Varadaraaja Perumal at our village. My grand father, in spite of his busy official commitments made it a point to see that the temple never passed into the Hindu Aranilaya Thurai and our family has been maintaining the temple through annual family visits and post my grandfather's death, my dad making a bi weekly 1000km trip to the place to remodel, rebuild and keep the temple running. And really, of all the disappointments I've been doling up to my dad since long - IIT Oothals, 12th flop show, SVCE Fiasco and failing to get a call letter in CAT inspite of seemingly eye popping percentile scores, his biggest grouse has been my agnostic attitude and stubbornness in never going (coming?) back to India, for good. This aversion to taking responsibility of the temple stems from the fact that I had to make do with no mattress and live in (to me) inhuman conditions of taking bath in the river which flowed in the kollaipuram of our veedu and with no TV beyond DD and of course, sleeping on the oonjal or near the miththam with no mattress or AC made me loathe those annual trips, which invariably happened during my and my sister's annual holidays meant those trips resembled a trip to prehistoric times - with over Bhakthi makkal at home, no fan and near frying temperatures. The only fun thing was the evening swim in the temple pond - which was racistically named "paapar kolam" (rough translation: Brahmin Pond) as my great grandfather funded the digging, it was called as it is.

With such a love for mattresses (my room back in India was characterized by a 4 feet high bed - because of the fact that there was 3 twin mattresses stacked for comfort), it surprising that I've ended up sleeping on the couch - almost every night these days end up with me sleeping after watching this or this. No mean feat given the fact that fitting my extra large frame in to a regular couch requires some talent. Its a different story that each and every morning, its a struggle once I wake up - with stiff neck and back and cramped legs! But still I think the mattress is nowhere on my list of potential takeovers for now. Such is the vagaries of time! :P


P.S: Task List for the long weekend is to play the guitar solo of this and score a 250 plus score in the bowling game in Wii. I know getting to 200 in the real deal is a difficult task for me with a penchant to gutter every turkey opportunity. The last task item would be run 15 miles in 3 days - the rough equivalent of a half marathon which this guy, also called Math Pult from Michigan - Ann Arbor inspired me to attempt

I'm not a drug addict...

though I love these songs:







The listen to these 3 (above) when you are about hit the sack.

Listen to the ones below when you are driving back from work:













All this happened because, of THIS! I was looking up to see if what I thought of the new single was actually true - This new single does sound more of the old school Metallica - Four Horsemen, And Justice for All.

Seinfeld...

Its not for nothing that this is called the best sitcom, ever!

I'd rather be in....

Most Favorite Locations in the US - described by not so familiar pics:





Opposite coasts - but its hard not to love them

Observation - 1

Observation: I love to experiment in all things except drugs, wine, women and perhaps any food that a cow might not eat. So, it was over this weekend that I got my ears pierced, once more (the first time was when I was about a year old), to try the step one of the rock star look - ear studs. While people who haven't seen me in my BE phase are flabbergasted at my sudden deviation from the side parted hair, full sleeve shirt, khaki trousers thing, it feels fun. But while saying this, the reception from the desi junta at work has been nothing short of despicable - from shock to unsolicited advice - I'm the irritated.

Inference: The only race on the face of earth to racially stereotype itself is Indian.

Subramaniyapuram

After many recommendations and rave reviews, got to see this movie. This movie is perhaps the most over rated movie this year, apart from Dasavatharam, of course! The art director has done an out of the world job - he has recreated the feel of 1975-80s - Was not born then - but then I have seen movies made then.

The acting: None required as most of the characters except the female lead sport a boochaandi beard. The heroine with her egg-eyes irritates the hell out of me by her constant, supposedly thiruttu glances.

Music: Kangal Irandal, copied from Azhagaana Rakshashiye and Chinna Kannan Azhaikiran is good while other songs are pukes. BGM - the director uses old IR tunes in places - while this is novel the first time it happens, repeated use makes me feel Mr. James Vasanthan did not have sarakku to last a whole movie.

Camera: I saw it OL and hence no idea about how good/bad it was.

Story and Direction: La Boys, the movie just shows the lead characters as carefree youth who do nothing except theru-porukaradhu. This makes me feel good for whatever happens to them in the end. Perhaps the director intended it that way.

On the whole, a very bad year for Tamizh Cinema, except for Anjaadhey.

Anger, Kovam, Krodh......

People who are acquaintances know me as a person who explodes with anger every 5 minutes. People who know me better will tell you, that I get angry more often than that. Only people who me really well will be able to tell you that I get angry only with people whom I choose to - and those who are granted immunity are basically those with whom I have a good mental connect or to someone I'm indebted for life.

Having said this, the last 2 or 3 weeks the only person with whom I'm angry 24X7 is myself. I find that all my present problems to be directly sourced to me and my idiocy. And the funny thing is that when you are angry at yourself, you don't have a vent out for the anger. The only way I'm punishing myself is at the gym/when I run. I run till my lungs scream for air and calf and hamstring muscles are cramped up. I do my hydraulics routine until my arms are sore and I find it hard to open my car door. But after doing all this, I still find that I have the energy left to be angry with myself. I seriously thought of quitting work and going on a around the world with a backpack thing, but that would mean me ending up in the same house with my father which will be catastrophic for him and me.

Anger Management Guru, Anyone?

Online Kadalai

I have never understood how two people could "get to know each other" online. Recently I was traveling with a married couple whom I knew were the lauv marriage kinds from my school - but never knew the specifics of their romance. And they started on topic and I blurt out my logic of how Online Kaadaals is so fatally flawed and suddenly there was this uncomfortable silence and the guy says - "Dei naanum Nayanthara-um (Name changed for anonymity :P) Orkut la meet pannom" - I did not even think of talking anymore for the 2 hour drive.

But, coming to the moot point, if someone who talks to me only over chat/orkut/mail and tries to picture me, I surely know that version will be 100 times nicer than the real me. I chat/blog/orkut only when I feel communicative and I think that's the case with 99 percent of the populace. That is one reason for me to tell me that this is a skewed way to look for a person with whom you would possibly spend a good portion of your remaining life - I say possibly as, though I don't believe in divorces, there is a good chunk of the junta experimenting that too.

But doing some research amongst my makkal who have fallen in lauvv, the popular avenues are:

Rank 1: ORKUT

You should know what "fraanship" requests are. Click here (you have login to Orkut - but I can promise you that you will LYAO - Especially the last pages). Such pathetic scraps touch a chord in equally pathetic female junta and then the comedy starts - minute-by-minute scraps, Crush/Hot List, Messages, Comments on Pics, Fans and then testimonials. And once they decide that they are "made for each other" kinds, you will see some crazy 'holding hands' pics, picture of some rose and all that crappy good stuff.

Rank 2: Gtalk

Gtalk would have gotten the first rank if not for the fact this is like Google, which needs MS Windows to run - Similarly Gtalk either needs Orkut or Blogger (coming up in 3rd rank) - but what with all the status message thingies where you can make the whole world know that you are wishing your special person for their b'day, exam and anything worth saying a good luck for!!

Rank 3: Blogger
The seemingly "intellectual" way of falling in the stuff. I never know why people who write or read a lot (blog, books, Blah!) have this intellectual tag associated with them. Starts off with Anonymous comments, then with name, then both of them blog about the other and then Gtalk and the whole 9 yards plays itself out.

Now you have tools and know-how!! Good Luck!!!

Auto facts

1. Prius drives S-L-O-W. The handling on curves is best left unsaid.
The touch screen controls is cool though.

2. Hyundai Sonata Limited V6 is kind of kick ass. The pick up gets
your adrenaline pumping.

3. Honda Accord is ultra cool - bad interior design inclusive.

4. As much as my pechchu-th-thiran has done wonders so far, I found
out that I've become like Tendulkar now - I've lost my touch & past my
prime.

Whoeetees the distarbaaans?

Karthik walked past the row of cars - he was able to see water vapor emanating from the lawns. The sun was so bright that he was not even able to look up from the ground in spite of the new Ray Ban coolers he was wearing (about which he talks at all possible and unnecessary situations, such as this). Sweat was pouring down his forehead, which was not much - indicative of his little or no intelligence. He opened the door to his Toyota Corolla and was welcomed by an oven like 'ambience'. The car thermometer displayed the outside temperature to be 91 and the inside temperature to be 105. Karthik switched on his AC on full blast and was greeted by hot air even from it. Just to be sure, he went to weather.com on this (about which he talks at all possible and unnecessary situations, such as this). It said it felt like 97 degrees, even though the temp was 91, in the zipcode 33613. While driving past Fletcher Ave to Firestone to do his oil change, he saw a biker with a blown tyre on the side walk, trying to hitch a hike on a car on which she could carry her bike too. Even the usual yo mamas who ride this, which is built for makkal who are one fifth their age were conspicuous by their absence. No shirtless Ola Comistos even....

This is not one more of my attempt at a short story. It was the real deal yesterday in Tampa. No rains - very surprsing for August and bloody H-O-T. The day was a total blaaah. Its days like this that make me wonder if there was a divine design behind me coming to Tampa from Madras and the fact that I pretty much want to hibernate as soon as the temperature touches 77 - 80 Degrees. I now have a roomie which means I can no longer try to deep freeze my apartment to 60 and bury myself in my couch with something to read or see. When will I go to a place where there is little or no sunshine? I prefer the late summer weather in England (I've never been to Europe) where there is some intermittent rain and then a brief spell of sun - which is not anywhere near the scalding thing in FL. I'd like to live in a place like this or this.

To all of you thinking what connection the title and the blogpost have and whether I'm going cuckoo - yes - the Sun is doing this to me and no it is not Sun TV.

Socio-Phobic

I discovered yesterday, the name for the condition I suffer from - I'm socio-phobic. While I can talk to/interact with 2-3 people at a time, whenever I'm in a large congregation, my brain goes kaput. Large here is typically 10. Thats perhaps the explanation for these:

1. I talk to all my UG friends now and then, but when it comes to reunions, I have rarely made it to any - including the Beachhouse "Bash" at the end of four years of SVCE.

2. As already told, large desi koottam in movie halls completely puts me off. In fact to those who come with me to the movies, my sudden mute mode is jarring.

3. I go to the temple only on days when I'm sure there will be no crowd.

4. I used to hate going to marriages/sashtiabdhapoorthi functions where there used be a really big and hardcore tam-brahm crowd.

5. Now, I do not want to visit India - one primary reason being that me and my parents cannot go through the monthly call without an argument or a fight nowadays - my naina hung up on me in the middle of an argument 2 days ago - but also because of the sea of population (mostly related to my parents) I'm obligated to visit every time I land up on that side of the world.

Avani avittam

When is the yajur upakarma? The snake tells it's 16th august while
others say sep. 15th! While i'm already feeling bad for not having
poli, adhirsam and payasam this confusion doesn't help!

Indi paattu - 1

The last song to hit it with me from this movie - I'm not a big soga paatu listener - but Sonu Nigam and the unusual orchestration made this the default song I remember if I hear DCH.

P.S: Close second is Kaisi Hai Yeh Ruth and Jaane Kyon.

Florida in Summer

The best months to me to live in Florida is July and August. You have these lashing thunderstorms, giving driving a whole new twist. I frequently imagine myself to be connected to one Mr. Michael Schumacher - in terms of driving in the rain. While that particular gentleman, drives at speeds closer to 200mph in rains oh his Ferrari, I potter around at 60 (but considering the senile and totally useless in terms of driving skill population of Florida and in particular, Tampa,) on my old student car, I can actually get off lightly for imagining the connect.

But, driving on I-275 on (click here, here and here) with music on at 80 mph - would be the perfect way to savor in the weather but then I cannot - I have work and for godsake, and even if I could give my manager the slip, I cannot go on a drive alone - I'm silence and solitude* challenged.



*solitude - For people who know/remember/associate me with being rude, aloof and haughty, you will not get this. For the 0.000000001 percent of the Desi Population in US who know me, this will definitely make sense.

Kuselyan - review in proxy

Avoid at any cost - in exact words of a friend, indha padam hit aana
apram innum para kevalamaana padam ellam varum.

Edited:

What more can you expect? P. Vasu, Vadivel and the ever over-rated Pasupathy!! Songs were trashy and Nayanthara in a rain song - which will satiate the jollar-gal. Sivaji was bad - Dasavadharam was worse - Kuselan is pathetic. I don't even want to go near the place which is going to screen Marmayogi.