Wodehouse For Dummies

Here's P.G.W explaining the fundemental difference between the Bard and himself.

I suppose the fundamental distinction between Shakespeare and myself is one of treatment. We get our effects differently. Take the familiar farcical situation of the man who suddenly discovers that something unpleasant is standing behind him.

Here is how Shakespeare handles it (The Winter's Tale, Act 3, Scene 3).
"... Farewell!

A lullaby too rough. I never saw
The heavens so dim by day. A savage clamour!
Well may I get aboard! This is the chase:
I am gone for ever.
(Exit pursued by a bear.)"

The Master's version:

"Touch of indigestion, Jeeves?"
"No, Sir."
"Then why is your tummy rumbling?"
"Pardon me, Sir, the noise to which you allude does not emanate from my interior but from that of that animal that has just joined us."
"Animal? What animal?"
"A bear, Sir. If you will turn your head, you will observe that a bear is standing in your immediate rear inspecting you in a somewhat menacing manner."
I pivoted the loaf. The honest fellow was perfectly correct. It was a bear. And not a small bear, either. One of the large economy size. Its eye was bleak and it gnashed a tooth or two, and I could see at a g. that it was going to be difficult for me to find a formula.
"Advise me, Jeeves,"I yipped. "What do I do for the best?"
"I fancy it might be judicious if you were to make an exit, Sir."
No sooner s. than d. I streaked for the horizon, closely followed across country by the dumb chum. And that, boys and girls, is how your grandfather clipped six seconds off Roger Bannister's mile.

Who can say which method is superior?

"Wallet"ine or Valentine?

Well, here’s February 14th again and a fresh mush wave sweeps through cupid struck hearts. Florists and gift shop websites do extra-ordinary business as do “hangout” zones like Barista and Café Coffee Day. Moral “policemen” also have a field day, wrecking havoc - in upscale chill out spots and leaving hearts sundered.

Legend goes that Valentine was a priest who served during the third century in Rome. When Emperor Claudius II decided that single men made better soldiers than those with wives and families, he outlawed marriage for young men -- his crop of potential soldiers. Valentine, realizing the injustice of the decree, defied Claudius and continued to perform marriages for young lovers in secret. When Valentine's actions were discovered, Claudius ordered that he be put to death and fourteenth of February, for long the month of romance, was chosen to “honor” St. Valentine.

I’ve always been skeptical about non-chronology based commemorations – Mother’s day, Father’s day, Valentine’s Day etc. Be it your Dad / Mom / Sweetheart, it is but natural that you share a relationship which is much bigger than just a greeting card and a bunch of flowers. Friends of mine argue that, these days are a way to token your love towards important people in your life.

I feel that, these days try to celebrate relationships which aren’t as simple as saying thank you or giving a bunch of flowers. And in these days of media frenzy, giving a printed greeting card to any of these people is an irony of the highest order. If some greeting card manufacturer is able to give words to your feelings towards somebody, then I feel that either you are cheating yourself that the card captures the essence of your feelings or you are in a totally artificial relationship which isn’t worth continuing. Instead, spending sometime with them on that day is a much better way, as, in these times of “wallet”-happy spending, putting in an effort to spare sometime for a special person is a much more significant thing than those mush-paraphernalia!

I know that I’m going against the popular flow here, but as I always say, I’m entitled to my view!

Valentine's Special!

Anand and Karthik were walking down the railway staircase when they both saw her. Anand couldn't help remarking, "She's beautiful". Karthik immediately quipped, "Dude, get your eyes checked. She's very normal looking and here you are going gaga over her!". Anand couldn't believe his ears. So far in life Karthik and he had shared likes, dislikes and hates that he wasn't able to believe that Karthik found this girl unattractive. Karthik continued, "She's too tall for you and look at her color - so pale that I can see her veins from this distance." "Surely, she's got a good face" Anand moaned. "What features? A polygonal face and a perpetual stupid smile on her face - Whew, I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole!" Karthik couldn't help shuddering. Anand now felt that positively he was looking at a grotesque specimen of the opposite sex and felt grateful to Karthik for saving him from her. Now the girl was within a hundred metres of them and not to be left out, Anand continued, "Actually yes, I think the sun falling on her face directly made her look beautiful - seeing her in the shade, I'm almost surprised how I could ever fall for this tall, pale girl..... You saved me Karthik. I can't imagine myself talking to her for more than two seconds". Now the girl was really only a few feet away. Karthik walked unmindful of Anand's remarks and said, "What about meeting at your house at 5?". Anand, surprised, asked "What about now?" but didn't find Karthik beside him. A quick turn around, he saw Karthik was talking to that girl. "Hi! I'm Karthik. I've been seeing you from quite a distance. You really take my breath away, would you mind a coffee?.........." Anand could help feeling that he deserved a kick in the.......




P.S: The name Karthik doesn't have any conection with the author!